Celebrating the Stoner

Why are cannabis consumers and the cannabis industry now casting the first stone against the average stoner?

By Beth Mann

“All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.”

– Jeff Spicoli

Suddenly it is totally not cool to be a stoner! The neo-marijuana movement and many self-proclaimed gangapreneurs have wholeheartedly distanced themselves from the “whoa dude” Spicoli types in an attempt to replace them with clean-cut, forward-focused, chai-latte lovin’ professionals who partake in marijuana consumption amidst their perpetually busy and normal lives. It’s all so perfectly civil, isn’t it?

Some would argue that this image upgrade is necessary. We openly laugh at the ultra-stoners’ slit-eyed, sleepy approach to life. And maybe secretly, we think they’re kinda too 420 friendly.

But why are cannabis consumers and the cannabis industry now casting the first stone against the average stoner? Potheads have their societal place in our crazy mixed-up world. They tend to be creative types who laugh easily and often possess a Zen-like approach to life. That’s something to be celebrated not stigmatized.

What else makes the stoner an important part of your survival team for the current Zombie Apocalypse?

·      Stoners are easy-going pacifists. Seriously, when was the last time you got in a fight with a stoner? Stoners don’t want to fight, man. It’s all good. Their live-and-let-live mindset is in stark comparison with your average heavy drinker who’s ready to dropkick your face because you stared at his wife too long.

·      Stoners make people laugh. They can be like starry-eyed clowns who get stuck in the damnedest situations, speaking words of wisdom almost as if by accident. They may not be able to perform brain surgery—or even work a remote control—but it’s infinitely amusing watching them try.

·      Stoners are often easily amused. Anything can catch a stoner’s eye: a plastic bag blowing in the wind, a pregnant butterfly landing on a daisy, a dustball blowing in the wind. Stoners spot beauty where others often overlook it.

·      Stoners aren’t rats in a cage. We live in a world that embraces stepping on each other’s backs to get to top. Grabbing that brass ring at all costs. Isn’t it nice to know some people are just fine watching the wheels go round and round?

·      Stoners keep it simple. As the opening quote reminds us, a happy pothead wants very little in life. They don’t require the accouterments of a materialistic society. They want tunes. They want waves. They want crunchy, cheesy snacks.

·      Stoners make good friends. Stoners love laughing with their friends—that’s, like, one of their favoritest things to do. They also offer up funky out-of-the-box advice when you’re feeling down. And they don’t mind getting lost in one of your boring stories.

Stoners also fill pivotal roles in the professional realm. They make for great:

Snowboard instructors
Indie filmmakers
Cheap web designers
Calypso steel drummers
Anesthesiologists
Modern dance teachers
Music video directors
Hot stone massage therapists
Performers for the Cirque de Soleil
Court stenographers
Tax accountants (expanded minds understand complicated tax codes)
Jungian analysts
Directors of local parks departments
Arboretum botanists
Astronomers
Undertakers
Gender identity counselors
Your AA sponsor
Baptist ministers
Root canal specialists
All jazz musicians ever
Quantum physicists
Professional cattle auctioneers
Antique restoration specialists
Your mom
Toy store workers
Nomadic drifters
Folk musicians
Children’s book authors
Late night PBS painting instructors
Method actors
Professional poker players
Beat poets
Clam diggers
Karaoke DJ’s
Bellydancers
Crisis hotline operators
Café froth designers
Mediators
Horse and/or dog and/or cat and/or hamster whisperers
Occult practitioners
Surfboard shapers (or surfers, or any other surfing related job)
Ghost walking-tour guides
Car stereo technicians
Curlers
Video game creators
Comic book artists
Carl Sagan’s personal assistants
Body paint professionals
Salsa dancers
Dreamers of big, crazy ideas
Professional Bingo number callers
English professors
Comedy show staff writers
Pastry chefs
Professional quilters
World leaders

…and a host of other perfectly legitimate roles that make up of the weird fabric of our society. So the next time you go mocking a stoner, think twice. We didn’t come this far so we could all conform into one of those annoying Type-A personalities, did we? Those Alpha Wolves are the ones who got us into this colossal mess in the first place, remember?

So don’t throw stones at a stoner. They wouldn’t throw them at you. That’s just not their style, man.